I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
