If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
