You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
