I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
