A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
