Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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