Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
