$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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