Got a toothbrush?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
