My liver just broke up with me...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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