Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
