I'm really into asian looking animals
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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