Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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