She is in my trunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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