So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
