Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
