I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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