Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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