i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
