sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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