Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
