i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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