Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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