Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
