Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
