did you get engaged???
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
