First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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