i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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