Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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