i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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