you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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