My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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