I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
