Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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