i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My vagina just recognized that song.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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