it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
