it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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