guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize