I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
