and you said cock pushups were impossible
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize