how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My breasts were aching with rage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
