Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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