So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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