Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
