The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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