You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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