life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
