I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
