I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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