I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize