No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
