Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
