life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
