Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
