She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
