You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
