I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
