maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
