fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
