she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
