Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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