i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
