Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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