I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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