I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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