do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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