We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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