Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
