so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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