it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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