dude i'm inner monologue high
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
