Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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