Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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