The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize