eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
