he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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