I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
