I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
