some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize